you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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