I smell stomach acid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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