She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
