We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just pee around me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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