DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
