I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
