i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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