the day after is always just damage control
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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