beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just gift wrapped bread.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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