Pappa wants mamma naked
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
