just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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