But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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