i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
