I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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