Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and she was petting her beer can
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
