you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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