My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
