I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
