Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
