my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
