I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
