6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
