I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
