Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
