you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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