your parents love me but you hate me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
