oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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