u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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