Do you still have your period?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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