I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
