i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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