awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
