i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
