went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
