At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
