so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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