So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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