is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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