And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
