So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
