he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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