So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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