I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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