this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
