i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
