C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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