When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
