he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
