while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
