Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
