so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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