WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The air was thick with penises
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
